Another Reason I Hate Community College

I guess I should start with my drive to class. It’s all of 6 minutes, but believe me, it’s enough time to become annoyed. Not so much with the drive itself, (although, there is an obnoxious left turn to make) but the steps it takes to actually get into the classroom.

First there’s McDonald’s. I know I shouldn’t but it’s RIGHT THERE. It’s practically in my school. I only go for a sweet (actually ¾ sweet, ¼unsweetened) tea but you’d think I was asking the employee for an organ.

“For here or to go?” Ok, first of all, does it matter? Are you really going to give me a tray for one cup if I say it’s “for here.”? Also, I know you recently got wi-fi and all but you’re not a Starbucks, I’m not planning on chilling in a booth with a sweet tea for the afternoon. I somehow feel like they should know I’m on my way to class, like 90% of their customers usually are.

On this particular day, I walked over to the tea carafe (because it’s just too much for them to fill it up behind the counter) and notice two girls, a man, and a baby. The man is eating chicken nuggets ON the tray/drain that catches the pop. ON IT. The girl has about six bags of I don’t even know what sitting all over the counter, other girl is by the ketchup and the baby is running round, but I assume it’s one of theirs.

I very much dislike confrontation and I don’t even like to say “excuse me” if someone’s in my way. I normally squeeze through or go around. There was no way around them. I politely said “excuse me, can I get to the tea?” “UGHHHHHHH” was what I heard, followed by an eye roll. But I deserved it. How dare I ask them to pick up their impromptu picnic and move it to, I don’t know, maybe a table?! I am so rude.

As they were packing up all of their items I heard one of the girls say “Yeah, no, we’re not together like that. He’s her dad and all but I don’t think we’re gonna be together. But he is practicing to become a rapper!”

WHAT. Get me the hell out of here.

Turns out they met up at Mickey D’s with a bunch of other guys that were smoking something by the back wall. Even though I had chosen to avoid said guys by parking on the other side of the restaurant, they were all (including baby and nugget eater) sitting next to my car when I got out. I can handle dirty looks just fine, in case you’re wondering.

Then there’s school. There’s, of course, two full rows of “staff only” parking spaces that I’ve never seen more than 20% full, and NO WHERE ELSE TO PARK. If you don’t get there before 5:45, you might as well just walk from home.

Once I walk through the clouds of smoke from the people that hover by the door to the building, I mentally prepare myself for the freak show that is about to take place. Now, it’s hard to say whether or not Monday’s class is freakier than Tuesday’s. I think it’s more of a “type” or “classification” of freaks. They’re all weird, just in different ways.

In Monday’s class, you’ve got the girl with the scrunchie AND banana clip hairdo, the one with hot pink and rhinestone claws for nails, the one that doesn’t understand ANYTHING, the guy who loves his own voice, the “mean girls” in the back row, the one who loves to talk about her bunion removal…the list goes on and on. I’ll highlight a few for you.

The Guy who Loves to Hear Himself

He has a very high pitched, very whiny voice. I don’t know why exactly he thinks we all need to hear it every 5 minutes, but he does. While he does like to talk about his ballet recital (not kidding) it’s mainly school related. He’ll ask the teacher a question: “Now for numberaah twenty oneaaah I didn’t get the same answer as youaah.” Then proceeds to explain exactly HOW he got the wrong answer. As if he thinks “This will be the time that I’M right and the rest of you are all WRONG (including teacher who does this for an actual job.)” No, honey, just listen and learn and stop speaking, I beg of you.

The Little Lady that Doesn’t Understand

Lord help her, she’s adorable. She just can’t get it. Any time my teacher explains something (and always in great or too much detail) she’ll ask if we have questions. Everyone says “NO.” because, come on, it’s not rocket science. If you can look up a business in a phone book, you can do this. Never fails though, every time she asks that question, that tiny little arm comes flying up. “So, I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.” “Which part?” “The whole thing.”

It takes all my strength to not pull her mini ponytail and ask her “WHY??? WHY DON’T YOU GET IT?!” There’s no reason not to. Good luck to her.

Exhausted Lady in the Front Row

She missed the very first class. I’m no genius, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that’s like the most important class to attend besides the final. She “thought it started the following week” so of course the next week came and she had no books, no syllabus, no homework… and why is she SO tired each time? It looks like she ran 4 miles to get to class…and she’s definitely not the skinniest lady I’ve ever seen. I don’t think the 24oz Pepsi she brings with her is helping her fitness either. She comes in very late, huffing and puffing, throws all her stuff down, breathing extremely heavy, interrupts the class to tell the teacher she has “no books today, can you look for some for me?” are you serious? On the 13^th week of a 15 week class? Is this kindergarten? Share with the girl next to you and SHUT THE HELL UP. P.S., that watch you wear is adjustable, it shouldn’t look like your hand is about to fall off.

On to Tuesday night’s class. Like I said different night, different freaks. We have the very abrasive lady, the one who I’m sure is milking a workman’s comp deal, the one I can’t hear no matter what, the chomper…

Again, just to highlight a few, let’s start with...

The Chomper

Now, this didn’t start annoying me until lately. She’s always eating. The whole class, she’s never not eating. I mean, I can kind of understand, it’s a 6pm class, she looks like she just came from work, it’s dinner. But for three hours straight? Isn’t she bored of eating? Last week we went to the lab to work on billing insurance. She had Cheetos. Oh em gee. I couldn’t even concentrate. It honestly sounded like she was chewing on rocks. It was one of the loudest noises I’ve ever heard. I look around in disbelief…does no one else hear that? Oh, they do. They’re just trying to be polite. Luckily when she started up again in last night’s class (almonds), a guy that barely speaks English said to her “Oh, you’re eating again?” Thank you Hakeem! Everything she eats is ear drum-shattering loud. I don’t know why. Even yogurt.

The abrasive lady

I don’t’ believe a word that comes out of her mouth. First she says she’s a FEDEX driver that makes 8 bucks an hour. Then she’s a pharmacy technician who only makes $7. What? She has a very weathered face, only a few teeth left, yet dies her hair raven black. It’s so harsh, just like her personality. She has an opinion (that’s usually wrong) about every body and every thing. To a guest speaker in our class: “Now, I gotta be honest, I ain’t one of those people who does whatcha say just cuz urma boss. Wud ya still hire me?”

Is this a joke? Am I on Candid Camera?

I honestly feel like I am the only “normal” person in the room. Like someone threw me into a circus without warning. I often catch myself with a disgusted look on my face that I have to hurry and adjust before one of them notices, as if it would matter. The lady that sits next to me in Tuesday’s class is actually my friend, she was in my class last semester (which had some of the very same freaks!) and she’s the only one I talk to. I’ve tried to branch out but it’s hard to make a friend when your mouth hangs open in shock when you look at them.

I guess that’s all for now, there’s about (no joke) 12 or 13 other weirdos I could tell you about but I won’t bore you. Only two more weeks of class, thank goodness.

_Liz